My Journal: My God
Well, I have very little left once again. I have gone from a house of luxery back unto the streets of hell and paradise and whether I am to thank God for taking me out of that cell or not I do not know but I do know that life is happening whether I like it or not and whether I choose it or not.
Though it may choose me I have yet by it’s occurence found the ability to accept it as a joyous place because it has not furnished a long term example of stability or growth in any of the experiences of which I have by no fault of my own, experienced.
I have for about a week or so had a mexican druidic shaman living with me at the apartment and he has let me spill alot of words onto him that may not actually help me at all but which have atleast found expression. Not all of them are good and for the most part much of it is very bad wording and I think that is why I have said much of what I have said. Especially concerning suicide because I have become so burdened by my having to move that it honestly feels like death to me who is perfect only in stillness.
Movement kills stillness and so the motivations of which cause movement of my mind and body, whatever those forces are that cause those motivations have won the war against my God’s will who in complete stillness chooses not to be human or to be controlled by human attributes.
I have found then that though I can by human cognitive ability judge what is honorable to man or to social grace, as God I can not see respect or want to be an issue, but only stillness as a complement of God’s wholeness. This may steal much of what life may be to others around me from my perception and so I may by the eye’s of others be less aware of whom they believe God to be and so I may be hated by my inability to associate with those perceptions which if I could ascertain to them might create a motivation which discovers the joy’s that I am missing. This is not however a path that I can consciously choose because as I said it is only in that moment where I allow God to choose in place of my free will choice that God can establish his will as being sovereign.
Since I am no longer with the comforts of an apartment or electricity I will soon bottom out once again and then swept up by whatever God chooses for me. The apartment is still very nice, there is a table and the t.v., stereo, dvd player, couch, a nice rocker/swivel cushion chair, a new bed with over 200 dollars worth of curtains just in the bedroom, a nice desk and all the dishes and pans and silverware that I am leaving all behind! 😦
Many things if they are used in the moments of God’s choosing can be very comforting and I have found that I had become very comfortable in this place but the amount of service I provided working 8 or 9 hrs a day and 2 hrs to work in the morning, 2 hrs after work for the ride home then about 8hrs to sleep at night, I was with only a few hrs during the day that I could honestly devote to enjoying the place that God was putting me into stewardship over. The time spent in getting food and the things that could fill the places within that kingdom and all this while living in poverty and without access to the spiritual counsel I truely needed drove me to God. God brought me to stillness and in that stillness all other things fall away. I am now homeless again but I again have access to God.
See.. some of you may not realize what it is like in the u.s. but it is against all company policy in the U.S. to speak about God in the work place because if you are getting a paycheck then you are registered with the I.R.S. under your S.S.# and your Identity is legalistically a property of the United States being that your name is registered as a Business Identification. Well, it is the law that says that any business created under the dictates of the United States is held accountable to the Laws of the United States and this means that no U.S. organization can be unionized with spiritual/religious actuality. This is what is meant by the seperation of church and state.
So, what does it mean. I being who I am JesusFish have not a business Identity and so I am freely allowed by my citizenship in Heaven to be both “Church and State”. However, by the birth record of the flesh that I was born unto I am considered a citizen of the U.S. and so my church is not my own but the governments and the government cannot be the author of a religious state. So, I found that the home (zion station) that I was creating so that I could live my purely sovereign religious identity was being destroyed slowly by the presumption of those who are not citizens of Heaven but of earth as to my actual identity. They proclaiming and fighting for the existance of Jerry M. Cofer and so thereby destroying my pure identity found in my being pronounced “Jesus Fish”.
It seems so strange that the world would give hard love to a man for merely choosing a name that glorifies God rather than the Business contract dictated by the SS# provided at conception of the fleshly identity. As though the Business contract and relationship of Jerry M. Cofer is greater than the citizenship and glory given to God in the name Rainbow JesusFish.
What eventually transpired was that I began to realize that I was being more and more for standing up for the name God has given to me and so I sought out why. Finding of course that which I have just mentioned above to be the situation that I had discovered I also found that since the money that was being given to me to use for the founding of that spiritual comforting I was seeking for, was given to the U.S. Citizen rather than to the name of which I have truely found God to be in, I saw that I was being a bad steward to God by accepting money from someone who did not attribute that money to me for God’s service to those I served but to Jerry M. Cofer who was in their eye’s the only one serving. (Being God is not allowed to serve under the dictates of U.S. citizenship because of the laws dividing church and state.)
Very complex and very hard but what it came down to was that “a little leaven leaventh the whole bunch”. And so since the money was not given to God’s citizen but to the worlds it was not a Godly pursuit to live in comfort for God but was a selfish vainity being produced to glorify not God but Jerry M. Cofer. For this it came to an end.
The mexican brother, Anthony has invited me to goto mexico. I have considered and I may take him up on the offer but I have yet to decide. I have decided to goto Tampa tomarrow and as I am on the street again I guess I shall soon sleep once again out-doors and though this seems to those conditioned to environments such as apartments or houses where they have very nice beds a punishment for my not standing up for my U.S. citizenship rather than my true devotion to the name of which God has showed Himself to me in, I shall be suffered for my brethren according to the flesh sake because of my loyalty to God’s identity.
There’s a little theater here with a guy named Socrates and I am suppose to goto that at 7:30pm tonight in downtown clearwater, Florid. My ties to citizenship in the U.S. is not hated or despised but they have been by it’s own laws of seperation of church and state been brought to disrepute. I see the U.S. citizenship as a waist of God’s breath and of no worth to Him.